Depression

(Depression for me was about feeling like there was no point to anything.  Depression can stem from many different things, but this is my experience and I hope that someone can benefit from it.)

You sit and stare blankly at the world around you.  Not focusing on anything, your sight goes blurry.  You can’t cry – there’s no point.  Holding onto the blanket around your shoulders, you think about all the wasted time in your past.  You think about the pit of the future that holds no purpose for living.  Right now, you know you’re wasting time, but if you were doing something, you’d still be wasting time. And effort at that.

I’ve been there.  I’ve done all that.

For way longer than I want to admit (but I probably will anyway).  I quit writing and joined a theater group just for something fun to do – and because acting is fun 🙂  I wasn’t quite sure where I was going to go or what I was going to do after high school.  It didn’t matter to me because I saw no point to it.  I did come back to writing though.  Sometimes I really hate everything I have to do and my writing makes me wonder what my brain is even made of.

But I don’t see it as meaningless.

Why?

Because I finally found the one thing that gives all things meaning:

Jesus

Now don’t be fooled; I’ve been saved since the age of 3 and I’m a pastor’s kid, but I really didn’t understand what a real relationship with Jesus was for me.  I knew that your relationship with Jesus is the most important thing in life, but I didn’t know how to do it myself.  There were times when I’d get a little glimpse of it – like the kiss of the sun on your skin through window blinds – but I hadn’t ever had that life constantly flowing through me.  I still thought there was no point to life, work, or anything.

There was a need for meaning.

As a freshman, I did a year of Bible study.  I remember seeing so many tiny little things in there that just showed God to me.  I could hear the Holy Spirit speaking directly to me.  To say the least, school was just about the only thing I wanted to do.  After the year was finished I didn’t continue reading, and everything I had been experiencing faded out.

In March of 2017, I started reading the Bible again and praying like I should have been.

And then I began writing again.

I also started eating healthier and working out and taking care of myself.

The gears started turning for me.

Although I hit a few bumps along the way, I didn’t lose all the meaning.  Something kept pulling me back to work hard and do my best.  There was meaning. I didn’t know then that the meaning I had been searching for had been told to me and shown to me so many times, but I just didn’t ever get to it.  It is possible to find temporary meaning in things here on earth that eventually fade, such as your family, success, yourself…

but the one thing that will never lose meaning is to glorify God.

When you finally “get” that, things change so drastically.

What is the point?

To bring glory to God.

In 100 years it won’t matter…

Everything done for the kingdom of God lasts eternally.

God made you for a reason, therefore everything you do has purpose.  It may seem like a burden, but God hasn’t made you to be perfect.

He made you to love him.

He made you to love others.

He made you for his glory.

He made you because he loves you and you bring him pleasure.

That is purpose.

God is purpose.

Maybe what you do doesn’t seem to have purpose, but God has placed you there with purpose.

God knows what he’s doing and he doesn’t make mistakes.

What you do matters.

You matter.

There is meaning to this life.

Glorify God, love, and live.

Don’t let those demons tell you that it’s meaningless.

IT IS A LIE.

Ask God to kick those jerks in the teeth and to protect you.

Give Him a smile and thanks.

Go forth with purpose.

Thanks for reading! 🙂

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